I am a sassy middle child. I am a chemistry student turned art school student. I am a “I’m not sure what my natural hair color is” girl. I am a job inventor. I am an English and math and science and art history nerd. Quite frankly, I am just … weird, and I like it that way.
I fear becoming normal, because it’s the weird people that get noticed. For example, I was just recently at a conference in Las Vegas. One of the speakers said he was going to give away $1,000 dollars, and then proceeded to ask for volunteers. As many hands started to raise, one girl stood up on her chair, shouted at the top of her lungs and started to shake her booty (the technical term) with excitement. So, guess who got chosen and won the $1,000 dollars? It was the guy in the back with his hand half-raised. I’m kidding (such a joker). Duh! It was the weird girl that danced and made herself known to the world (Okay, okay. That’s a bit dramatic. It was a couple hundred people … but still! You get the idea). She was set apart. She was different. She didn’t default to “I’m going to awkwardly raise my hand, so no one notices me … yet really hope I somehow miraculously win that money.” She was not normal, and she won $1,000 as a reward.
You see, it’s the troublemakers and crazy ones that get their way.
Weird people get asked about their faith. They make up their own career, because they just really want to design wedding stationery. Weird people make small-world connections with strangers in NYC, and correct their own grammar mistakes when chatting with friends.
I’m afraid that if I become “normal,” I’ll stop dreaming, exploring and loving with people. I fear that I won’t be set apart in my faith, or look forward to my crazy work day. I fear that if I’m normal, I won’t be spontaneous enough to create memories that last. If I become normal, I fear that I will flatline. (And who wants that?) I fear that I won’t be willing to stand up for the oppressed and say, “No really people, we can change the world through action and truth.”
I fear normalcy because … it’s just not my style. I love all these weird things.
Andra Christianson is a hopeless romantic … about wedding stationery. She spends her days with her business, Andra Delores Design, designing pretty things for couples in love. When she isn’t designing, you can find her dancing, drinking wine with friends, devouring donuts or debating if it’s nerdy to use alliteration.
Fear Confessions is a series of essays by creatives who share personal stories about facing their fears. It’s a celebration of vulnerability.