When I decided to quit my 9-5 a few months ago and dive head first into my coaching business, I knew it would be a challenge and quite possibly one of the hardest things I’d ever do, but I still didn’t expect it to feel so terrifying.
Instead of curling up into a ball, hiding in my pillow fort and eating only ice cream sandwiches for the next year, I’m trying to remind myself that what I did took an incredible amount of courage. I took a huge leap of faith that includes a massive learning curve. Plus, going after what you want isn’t supposed to be easy. If it was, everyone would do it.
You see, I have big dreams. Lots of them.
I want to build a business I love that supports me financially and allows me the freedom and lifestyle I crave. I want to run a marathon, write a book, and travel. A lot. I want to start a family, learn to cook, and always have time to make cupcakes or go on an afternoon walk. I want slow mornings with a cup of tea and evenings spent with people I love.
After years of self-reflection, yoga, and soul-searching, I’ve finally built up my courage, confidence, and faith and have begun taking the first steps toward making these dreams a reality.
I quit my job and started my own business coaching women to live a super awesome life. I donated half of what I own to charity and I bought a one-way ticket to Canada to be closer to my boyfriend. I’ve run three half-marathons and am training for my first marathon. Yep, definitely taking steps forward.
Dream mojo- ENGAGED.
But the thing is, I have no idea how I’m actually going to do all of this. I know WHAT I want, I just don’t know how to make it all happen.
It’s terrifying not knowing if I’ll actually be able to cross the finish line or create a sustainable business based off my passions and talents. It’s terrifying wondering if this is all going to blow up in my face, leaving only the ashes of my dreams behind. It’s terrifying to imagine the possibility of my dreams not coming true.
There is no road map or color-by-number guide. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking through a dark room, placing my hands along the walls, searching for the door to success. It’s trial and error.
I don’t have all the answers and I’m scared that I’ve let myself dream so big that it will be impossible for me to accomplish all of them. Before I fall asleep at night, I wonder if my dreams will remain mirages of stardust and reminders of what could have been.
There is so much potential, so much possibility, and I don’t want to miss out on that. I don’t want to settle. I won’t give up, but I’m still afraid.
Ashley Wilhite is the founder of Your Super Awesome Life, where she helps women figure out what the heck they want to do with their lives + find the confidence and courage to actually go through with it. You can find Ashley + get your free super awesome life starter kit here.
Fear Confessions is a series of essays by creatives who share personal stories about facing their fears. It’s a celebration of vulnerability.